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Gazmend Mustafi's avatar

Hi Curt. 👏👏👏 Amaizing, i Love it.

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ittia_9b's avatar

I’m really glad I read your rule because it immediately struck me as contradicting another rule I’ve carried around for years—one I picked up from a college class basically designed to schmooze people into buying whatever you’re selling them:

“Use ‘yes, and’ instead of ‘but.’”

The idea there was something about never letting someone feel contradicted if they’re not obligated to pay you attention. Imagine you’re trying to impress a seasoned fur trader, relying entirely upon their generosity while they quietly assess whether some random scrub truly has a new way of skinning a cat. You’re tiptoeing through their goodwill, so you nod along: “Yes, and here’s my slightly modified approach…”

Or maybe it wasn’t about selling at all, and I’m remembering wrong. Maybe it was about voicing criticism constructively in situations where you’re graded for criticizing ideas you don’t care about, forced to feign diplomacy by a professor who barely knows you. You’d say, “Yes, and have you considered [your idea is terrible], what do you think?”

But reading your piece made me realize something deeper—I’ve been carrying around this rule without even fully understanding the context or reasoning behind it. Kind of like how, when I was a kid, my parents couldn’t afford daycare, so during summers my siblings and I stayed with my mom’s friend Anna, a teacher with summers off. Anytime we’d challenge one of her rules (“Anna, why do we have to do this?”), she’d reply with a curt, “Because I said so.” Or we’d scrape our knee, complain, and she’d swiftly assess: “Are you bleeding? No? You’re fine.” She was wonderfully terse that way.

Reading your rule was like that moment when you realize you’ve internalized something purely “because someone said so,” without fully understanding why. It pushed me to reconsider what’s behind the drywall of everyday communication—those hidden wires of language we seldom notice until someone shines a flashlight on them. It’s good to be reminded now and then to check the wiring and really think about why we speak or write the way we do.

Thanks for making me reflect—really enjoyed this one.

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